Fingerman's blog Making money on the internet, meeting women and traveling the world

Learn your game (You are game hence you don’t need to ask for advice on game)

During my bootcamp Ryan told me that at some point he realized that he was game, and that no one could make a decision or say a better line for him then himself. It wasn't that big of a realization at the time but still ever since he said that, I have not asked any question about game whatsoever to anyone. My reason is that looking back, this has never ever helped. Everyone is different. Everyone is at a different level. There is no optimal move. No optimal thing to say. Actually, whatever you do or say is quite irrelevant to any pick up. The only thing that matters is what you feel and what you are. Since this is the root of everything, it will produce the fruits. If your roots suck it will produce bad fruits. No matter how you try to disguise the fruit's taste with sugar it will not taste as good as a good fruit.

There is no actual problems, sticking points or situations that you're having. It's all in the way you see things. It's all about your reality. When a question about game arises in my mind, I'm not thinking "Oh, let's go ask the RSD guys". When a question arises, I see a solution. I see something that I should try. Like for example last week I was wondering about leading. I found that if I'm dancing with a girl and it's a 2 set, leading isn't always good stuff. So I felt like asking Ryan about it. Then I thought "Why not try it instead?" So that's what I've been doing. I lead when the opportunity is good and I feel like it, but I don't force it. I also let the girl lead me a lot. It works pretty good with 2 sets at the moment. I'll see what happens in the future.

I'll look at some topics or RSDN right now:

How fast are you supposed to be escalating?

Do you really think it matters how fast? Do you really think there is an optimal answer for that? Do you really think that someone other then you can answer better than you on this? I could answer this but that would be from my point of view, my experience, from me. That would be almost useless information for this person UNLESS he is so uncreative that he can't even try for himself to either escalate slow or fast. At some point in my game I had the same question. So I tried to escalate a lot. Didn't work, it was too high energy, too much of an emotional spike too fast and the girl would leave when she came down from it. Then I tried the opposite, too slow. I found out that slow works out pretty good for me. And that slow actually often result in 1 hour make outs which is perfect. I also found out that I don't need to touch at all really if my conversation vibe with the girl is very good. I also found out that touching has an amazing vibing, attraction creating, and emotional bounding value. When you touch girls they feel like they can trust you. They feel like they don't have to talk, to impress you with words. They feel like you don't have to talk either. All this stuff I could have never learned from someone else. Because it's my game. I'm learning me.

Another one:

How to get over a girl?

Do you really think there's one thing that will make anyone get over any girl? Everyone is different, of course not. If you keep doing the same thing, you'll keep getting the same result. So the only way to change your fate is to try new things. The things that you personally will come up with are the best solutions for you. For me, I would just try to find another one first to see if that fixes the problem. But what if the guy can't pick up because he sucks. Then another one would say meditate. What if the guy can't mediate. Everyone is speaking the truth, but his own truth. It's kind of like when Buddha became illuminated. He told everyone about how he did it and how to do it, but only those who followed the path and experienced everything actually became illuminated like him. The others who would just listen and do nothing would not get any benefits. The path to illumination was to meditate for hours everyday and notice bit by bit the truth of the world. No one can do that for you.

Another one:

How important is CONSTANT social interaction?

Do you think there is a CONSTANT answer for that? Of course not. Everyone is different. For some it helps their game a million. For some it doesn't really make a difference. At some point in my game I had the same question. So I tried going out everyday. Then I stopped going out for six months. Then I tried once a week. The things I learned were so precious. Nothing that anyone could teach me. I learned about me. I learned that I can get burned out of going out. I learned that I sometimes forget about game and become rusty. I also learned that fatigue affects game, but that fatigue comes and goes throughout the night, so I take breaks where I just chill with my friends or with a fatty. Then I tried to be constantly talking when I go out. Constantly in sets and running my mouth. Then I tried to chill a lot in between interactions. I found out that constantly talking was very good at first because it would get me and keep me in state. I also found out I didn't need it any more when I was always in state by default. I also found out I would rather talk less, and let the girl talk. To save my voice, and my energy. Then I found out that girls like me a lot more when I talk less, probably because I am more mysterious, meaningful and chill that way.

Can you start to see the pattern in those? The answer is always dependant on you. The answer is always you should TRY IT. You should try new stuff. You should try everything. It will bring you the truth. It will teach you your game. It will teach you you.

So why should you never ask any pick up advice?

Because you already know the answer. I'm 100% serious. You do know the answer. Everyone of you is your own guru. You just need to either think for a while, or try new things in field randomly and pretty often and you will come to your own realizations. You won't learn game. You will learn your game. It is pretty freaking hard to learn someone's game, and I don't see the point. I invent game. I make up my own moves. My own pick up lines. When the average RSD guy just tries whatever he reads on RSDNation, I try random stuff when going out and see if it works out for me or not. By doing that, I realized a few things. First of all it really doesn't matter what I do or say because I often get the same results from very different things. Also, I realized that by trying new things I'm growing. I'm actively becoming who I am. And finally, that everything that I know, all of my game, I learned it from me. Everything I read on pick up boards, everything everyone ever told me, was a waste of my time. It actually held me back. I learned a lot FROM those things, but I didn't learn those things. Sometimes someone would tell me something and I would try it and it would totally work and totally teach me something valuable, but in the end, I could have thought of it myself, and tried it, and improved.

What if you read on a pick up board that asking questions is bad. Then you never try it. You'll spend the rest of your life not asking questions WITHOUT knowing! Do you realize how nonsense that is. I tried asking questions. Lots of questions. It's perfectly fine for me. Works wonders. Did you ever try leaning IN? I have this buddy of mine. Patrick. This guys pulls all the time. A lot more than me. He's pretty much always leaning in. He never touches chicks except when he goes for the make out. I never tried leaning in. Probably because leaning away works way too well lol. But anyway I just wanted to show a point.

Also, never asking questions about pick up has its advantages. You rarely get into useless and egotistic arguments about pick up which don't make sense anyway since everything can work and everyone is different. But more importantly, you're starting to look at game from a different perspective. You're starting to see yourself as a guru, as someone that knows his stuff, as someone that can pull. You're less trying to learn and more trying to pull. You're more in the moment. You're living it more. Your frame isn't of someone that is learning game any more but of someone that is discovering game and teaching it to others. How is that for a self confidence boost? Remember when Jeffy said in The Jeffy Show that for a while he was only pulling during bootcamps? I think the same principle applies. You are your own pick up guru. Start acting like one.

I'd be curious to see how many people agree with this.

Dave’s golden rule of pick up

RSD (Real Social Dynamics)'s golden rule is that "Whatever you feel, she feels." This rule is crucial but I push it one bit further with my golden rule:

Your state of mind is everything.

The reason behind this is simple. You can't lie or fake what you're feeling. If you feel nervous. You will look nervous. But that's fine you can be nervous and be attractive. If you feel like you can't sleep with the girl, you will look like you can't. And that is not fine.

When you walk around looking for girls, in the bar or on the street, think to yourself that you can sleep with them. That you can pick them up. Easily. Allow yourself to think "I can sleep with that girl if I wanted to and if I went and talked to her." Have a grin on your face. Have the relaxed and piercing eyes that a man that knows he can sleep with a girl has. But don't focus on those body language elements. Focus on how you feel. Your body language will come naturally. Put yourself in that state of mind of when you knew you could sleep with that girl.

Walk around repeating to yourself "Yes, it's on". When you see a girl you like, instantly think "I can sleep with her. Easily." Then when you go talk to her keep that feeling by repeating in your head that it's on.

What will happen is that all the important stuff such as body language, tonality, smile, eye contact, funny non logical talking, statements of intent, etc. will all take care of themselves naturally because you're in that state of mind.

Feeling overly happy doesn't help that much to pick up chicks. You will make the chick feel happy but that's all. What you need to be feeling is that you can pick her up. Right now. For sure. Tonight. Bring her home. If you feel that, the girl will like you for sure and she'll go home with you a lot of the times. If you're just in state and feeling good but you aren't feeling that you can do it. You'll just roll up to them, make them feel good and there will be no pick up. Of course your feelings change through the night so you could open with just feeling good then move into the "I can pull" mode which is what I've been doing most of the time, but why not just feel like that from the start? It works a lot better.

And if you can't feel that way, it means you're not good enough at lying to yourself. You're not good enough at controlling your own state. I think it's an essential skill because life requires us to be in different state of mind all the time. Just practice it all the time, anywhere, for no reason. Try to make yourself feel happy, or like a pimp, or relaxed, or excited just sitting on a chair. Your thoughts becomes feelings. Think about happy stuff, you will feel happy. Think like a pimp, you will feel like a pimp. If every time you see a hot girl, you lie to yourself and tell yourself that you can sleep with her and smile, You will start feeling that way. Because thoughts become feelings. Here's a good quote that has become internet famous:

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

The definition of a Solid Interaction with a woman

I think lots of guys don’t understand what a solid interaction is. Since it’s not always possible to get laid with the chick right in the moment or sometimes I guess I just don’t have enough “Game”, the only thing you can have for sure is a Solid Interaction.

The most important thing for me

The energy level of the interaction. If the energy is INSANELY low. Such as you and the chick are talking quietly, about boring stuff, you’re not moving much, you guys talking slowly, etc. That would be very low.

The opposite of that would be called High Energy. Example: being too funny, too attractive, too interesting, talking about sex, the girl laughs, touches you, you push her, you tease her, etc. Basically all the things we are told to do as PUAs? Yes that’s what I think, all those things are crap IMO and should be used very sporadically and in the first few minutes only and not at all if you get the chick to like you without them. Those things Look good because the chick is loving you but really she’s not loving you but the energy and emotion that you bring. The next day I think she would most likely remember her night as amazing, but not you as amazing.

So the plan would be to do all the moves in a low energy. So you open really strong with good body language and a smile, but you keep it really chill. You keep the conversation borderline boring. You touch (claw, hold hands, hugs, etc.) just as usual. You lead just as usual which should be a lot. You go get drinks (waters for me), dance (you dance in a chill way), you go outside for a cigarette (even if you don’t smoke, just to chill), you go explore the bar, you go find your friends (and her friends), you go to the toilet (or she goes, you lead her to it and wait while chilling with other people, make new friends if you have to), you do everything together, never leave her. Of course she will need to hang out with her friends and other guys will hit on her and stuff will happen. Just chill and let her be, but keep an eye on her and whenever you have something to tell her just go get her and you guys can chill again.

It will be REAL for her, and for you

If you do this you should be making out within 20 minutes-1hour and it will be REAL. Why? Because she was in her normal state of mind, and so were you. She was in the same state of mind (almost) that when she wakes up in the morning. Why? Because you didn’t boost it with your crazy energy and fun. There won’t be a point where the energy goes lower and it feels weird for both of you and she leaves because she comes to her senses and realizes that this feeling was ephemeral and not real. Of course it looks good to be making out with a chick in 5 minutes and making her laugh until she jumps on you. But I could never make those high energy interactions work for me.

So is that it? Solid = low energy?

This is what I believe. If you have time to lead, touch, firth and have a good vibe and connection then it will be even more solid. If you extract her out of the bar it will be even more solid. If you sleep with her it will be pretty freaking solid lol.

So I don’t understand, won’t it be boring if I’m being low energy and talking about boring stuff?

There’s 2 scenarios:

1. The chick loves you from the first 5 seconds and you can just chill from start to end.

2.The chick needs some time which then being interesting, fun and high energy is quite good and you should definitely do it. As soon as you have the chance to chill and lay back I would jump on it though because up to now I don’t think the interaction was real nor solid.

What about after when it’s time to chill? Won’t it be boring?

I’m a pretty freaking cool guy. I have an interesting life, I’m funny, I’m good looking. I will say something funny, sexual and interesting every 5-10-20 minutes for sure. I actually have to tone myself not to be too funny or interesting because it blows myself out. Even if I’m just self amusing the chick thinks I’m trying to be cool and doesn’t work.

Also realize that every time you touch the girl, you move her around, you lead her, every time you don’t react to a comment or an event (friends interrupting, tools stealing the chick, your own friends being retards, etc.) the girl’s energy has a Boost. Every time you tell her she’s beautiful or that you really want to kiss her or that you lead her to the bar. Boost. So in my everyday life there is enough energy boost. Actually too much. I’m sure it’s the same for most guys here actually.

One last thing

I think most guys are so addicted to feedback from women that they can’t do this. Realize that if the interaction is low energy the girl will not be laughing, touching you, telling you you’re funny, intensely qualifying herself, etc. She will be doing some but way less and PUAs just assume it’s not on and peace out. THIS IS NONSENSE. You need to be able to chill with the girl for 20 minutes+, keep your “It’s on” mentality (If you lose it, she loses it), even if she doesn’t give you any intense feedback. My proof is look at couples. They love each other. They f–k each other. Yet do you see them being high energy and teasing each other and giving each others feedback? No. They look bored as hell all the time. Often barely speak. Do you think you have more chance with his chick just because you can roll up to them and make her laugh and makeout with her?

People are boring… if you boost the girl’s energy she’ll feel amazing. She’ll be funny, her best self… But the next day when she just feels normal, or even 2 hours later when it’s time to leave the bar. She’ll just feel like her old boring self. And you can’t just keep boosting the energy and make her laugh. It’s not a long term strategy. The girl finds out at some point. She comes to her senses.

One tip

If you’re comfortable with the girl, always be holding hand or touching (kind of like petting a dog lol). I mean like a constant thing, not always going for the touch and pulling back. I mean always be in physical contact. Make her touch you too. Put her hand on your leg and stuff like that. This will make a low energy interaction very smooth because since you are always touching there is no disconnect. You guys “know” you like each other, so there’s no need to prove it with words and laugh and everything else. You and the girl don’t even have to ping at each other to see if it’s still on because you are touching. It protects you and the girl from doubts about whether it’s on or not (It’s always on).