Dave of glory's blog

I just had the biggest realization ever.

You know when Ryan talks about cognitive congruence? Well it’s all good to understand it and acknowledge that it’s important, but yesterday I just realized that I have been experiencing it, a lot. And that it makes a huge difference in my ability to pick up girls.

First of all what is cognitive congruence? I’m not sure exactly but what it means to me is the way you act all day will influence the way you act at night when you go pick up. For example if in your life every time you interact with a human being you kind of shy away and ignore them, chances are when you go out at night it will not be easy to switch to confident and talkative mode. So your brain (cognitive) wouldn’t be “congruent”.

One thing that I’ve noticed for months now is that if I don’t chill I can’t pick up chicks. I mean I can go talk to them. I can touch them. I can make them laugh. But it will never go anywhere. I will never get any girl to actually like me. If I don’t chill, I have zero game. If you’re new to this you might look at me and think I have “alright” game because I’m approaching and getting reactions and getting my mouth moving. But if you look deeper I’m never building anything. If you look deeper I have no game.

Sometimes I’ll hit up the bar and I’ll just be in a natural chill state. I’ll talk slow. I’ll walk slow. When I meet a girl I’ll just feel super comfortable with myself and enjoy the moment with her and it will totally work between us. Then I’ll be like “OMG I have so much game, Im just chilling all the time and all these girls want me.” Guys would ask me “Dave, how do you this, how to do that…” and I would just tell them to chill. They looked at me confused. Some of them told me they couldn’t.

Then every once in a while I would go out to the bar and I can’t chill. So I go up to girl, start talking to her and my mouth starts moving by itself, spitting crap. I grab the girl and try to take her somewhere even if it’s too early, then I give up because I can’t just chill and hang out there. I CAN’T! Then I take a pause and I’m like what is this, just chill Dave, you chill all the time, let’s do it. Then I go talk to another girl. Can’t chill! Again! What the hell. I was very confused by this behavior of mine for a long time. Until I met this Spanish dude.

Basically, one of my friends friend is from Tempa. And he is some kind of Spanish gangster. He talks like a gangster. He walks like a gangster. He calls women “hoes”. Anyway you can imagine. So I meet him and he’s just talking really slow and taking his time and walking really slow. It’s just the way he is. He’s always chilling in my definition of chilling. Anyway we met up before going to the bar with all my friends and I didn’t think anything of it except that he was gangster and that I like gangsters lol.

Then I noticed throughout the night that every time he would go talk to a girl, he would keep chilling. He would just talk really slow and walk really slow and hang out and be chilling. He didn’t have that much game but I’m sure he gets laid every once in a while, especially if he went out more. He was just chilling, making eye contact and listening to what the girl says while having a funny, sexual and low energy conversation. Then I was like, “damn this guy is like me when I’m being good.”

At the end of the night, no one pulled any chick. I actually only talked to a few girls because I was to frustrated by my inability to chill and I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere because I couldn’t chill. Every time I went up to a girl I just kept spitting words and trying to lead her (that might sound good but trust me there MUST be chilling in between lol). F—ing Orlando I don’t like it here and it messes with my head. So like I was saying, no one pulled that night and we were just hanging out after and still Spanish gangster is just chilling and enjoying life and he’s just like “tonight was fun, I talked to a lot of hoes” in his gangster accent. I was quite envious of him at that moment and understood how others felt around me when I was being chill all the time. But why couldn’t I be????

Then it hit me. Cognitive congruence. This guy is chill all the time, so how hard can it be for him to be chill when he goes to the bar to talk to women. Pretty damn easy. He doesn’t have to change a thing. If you actually asked this guy to be a dancing monkey, I’m sure he would find it really difficult. Then I realized that when I have a very easy time to be chill is when I am chill all the time. When I had just come from my 10 days meditation retreat I was chill all the time because I had just spent 10 days chilling and meditating. I took my time to do everything because that’s what I was used to doing. When you’re at a meditation retreat, you can’t do anything so even when you take a walk it’s like a great event, you don’t rush it because there’s nothing to do afterward.

Also when I was in Montreal I was getting laid a lot and hanging out with girls a lot so during those times I was chilling all the time. Also I didn’t work on my computer as much as I’ve been doing here which to me is an anti chill because when I work I always try to rush things and do 10000000 things at a time. So to me, if I chill in my everyday life, even when I’m walking to the toilet to take a piss or eating my bowl of cereal. If I do those things slowly and in a chill way. Which to a lot of you would refer to as “being in the moment” while doing them, then when I go out at night it will be super easy to be chill and pick up the ladies.

So if you have some kind of state of mind or something that helps you pick up girls (or helps your overall happiness), then you probably want to incorporate it in every moment of your life, this way it will be second nature to do it at the club and you will have lots of success.

What I got from an RSD bootcamp:

I would say that my ability to pick up chicks has improved at least 10 fold. Actually, when I look back I feel like I had absolutely no game at the time (And I had been in the community for 2 years).

I slept with 8 chicks in the last 3 months (Since my bootcamp). Which is almost a double of what I had already been with and I’m 21 years old.

I’ve pulled and made out with countless chicks. I’ve made great friends and great connections with a lot of men and women. I definitely think the bootcamp has a lot to do with it.

The bootcamp gave me a little boost of confidence right after which is great momentum for people starting out.

Ryan gave me personalized advice after seeing me talking to girls which was to chill out mostly and be more real and genuine.

The seminar was new stuff that I had never heard of. It totally changed the way I see game.

I feel a lot more confident about my ability to pick up chicks. Actually, now it doesn’t make sense to me to not be getting laid since it’s so easy to at least find a couple of girls every month.

Click here to sign up for an RSD bootcamp or for more information.

First of all, I would like to say that this is an epic post.

Did you know that it was possible to wake up in the morning and go out on the street BY YOURSELF and meet a girl and make a connection instantly?

Did you know that it was possible to feel harmonious and peaceful all the time?

Did you know that you can be in a pick up kind of mind even after working for 10 hours or with no sleep for 2 days?

Did you know that it could be 100% normal to pick up the phone and call a girl that you just met, go have a drink and sleep with her?

All that while remaining in your normal state of mind?

That’s what I call gaming in your natural state of mind. To me the natural state of mind would be when you wake up in the morning. It also includes when you’re hungry, tried, sad, happy, whatever.

Your state of mind is your state of mind. It doesn’t actually change. It’s like a switch that’s on and off. It’s the same switch, just at a slightly different angle.

By putting emphasis on the fact that the switch is on, you automatically put emphasis on the fact that it will be off. By putting emphasis on the fact that you’re in a good state, you’re putting emphasis on the fact that you will be in a bad state.

If you just put emphasis on the fact that you’re state is normal, then you’re putting emphasis on the fact that your state will be normal. State can’t be abnormal. It’s like a switch. It can be on and off. But it can’t be abnormal. It’s just a switch.

Actually, I just say normal but even no qualifier would be even better. Just state. Not good. Not bad. Not normal. This way. It can’t go in any direction.

Emotions, feelings and sensations come and go. It’s their nature. Pain is merely a feeling. Fatige is merely a sensation. Happiness is merely an emotion. Why would you focus on something that is so ephemeral? Wake up people! This doesn’t make sense.

Look at whatever you’re feeling and just look at it. Don’t put emphasis on it by talking about it, labelling it, hating it or even LOVING it. Love for a sensation brings craving which brings desire which brings unsatisfaction wich brings you not picking up and taking action and calling your numbers and approaching which brings you to not getting laid.

I’ll tell you a story.

It’s about a little man called Dave. Dave loves being in state. He goes out with friends. Picks up women. Has fun. Loves life. He feels soooo happy.

Next day Dave wakes up. He feels tired. He doesn’t call his numbers. He doesn’t feel like it. He feels like working on the computer. He feels even more like crap after working for 8 hours. He goes out at night with his friends. He pumps his state by doing funny things. He loves life again. He’s so happy. He feels like picking up so much. He picks up women all night.

Next day he feels like crap again. Dave thinks to himself I should go pick up chicks today. But I don’t feel like it. I should work today. But I don’t feel like it. Dave thinks “I should travel.”

Dave travels to Brazil. Dave LOVES travelling. He feels so happy. After 1 month. Dave feels like crap in brazil. He comes home. He LOVES…

Do you see where this is going? Do you see the pattern? Dave loves and hates too much. As much as Dave loves, as much as Dave hates. Makes him very unhappy and unfocused. He feels like he has no direction or purpose.

So how does this relate to pick up?

Everyone I know in the community refers to “being in state” as something positive to picking up women.

I am sorry to break your bubble of delusion but this is not something positive. If you can be in state, it obviously means that you can be out of state.

If being in state is your default state and you’re just in state all the time then you are talking about the same thing as me. You are actually gaming in your natural state, you just choose to use a different way of saying it.

The power of gaming in your natural state is that:

1.You will be more consistant because you will never be on or off. You will only be.
2.You will go out more because you will never be on or off. You will only be.
3.Your game is going to get better SUPER fast because you will be going out a lot. Gaming all the time everywhere.
4.You will pursue numbers and dates any time of the day because you will never be on or off. You will only be.
5.You will have more focus, strenght, harmony and centeredness in your life which is insanely attractive to women.
6.You will get laid a lot more because you will not miss those opportunities that you miss all the time when you’re off.
7.You will glow in the dark. (Results may vary)

How do you game in your natural state?

You need to upgrade your level of awerness and harmonious feeling in everyday life.

You do this by being concentrated on your body and thoughts as much as you can. When you feel a sensation of pain or pleasure. You tried to stay as unreactive as possible. You just look and notice. You don’t react positively or negatively. Same thing with any sensation such as fatigue, joy, sadness, stress, boredom, excitement, etc. Don’t put a label on them. Pain isn’t bad. It’s merely a sensation. Pleasure is not good, it’s merely a sensation.

Just try your best. No one is perfect. Actively doing it when you’re alone, working, and stuff like that will make you better at it, hence improve the amount of time you spend in your natural state. You can do it anywhere, anytime, doing anything.

It will improve your natural state because like most poeple, if you’re not feeling good, you’re probably feeling bad. Do you feel good waking up, walking down the street, right after work? Maybe not, and this will help you. It won’t make you feel good. It will make you feel normal, neutral.

Then you want to lower the amount of “happy state” you’re using when you go out.

Here’s what I did:

I went out alone and I stopped self amusing.

This might seem harsh but it will truely teach you to game in your natural state as in my opinion the 2 things that change your state the most is the presence of your wing and self amusement. If you need this to pick up, then you are attached to it, then you crave it, then you feel happy when you have it and sad when you don’t. A good exercise is to go out alone and not self amuse. Just be chill and strait to the point with the chick.

Basically, you want to slowly implement letting go off the positive and negative state that you have when you’re going out. You want to level it out. If you’re too happy, tone it down, if you’re too sad, self amuse a little. All this in order to be in your normal state.

Once you start doing that, picking up becomes kind of a meditation. Everything becomes kind of a meditation.

Starting to game in my normal state was pretty natural for me, what else can someone do to start being more like that? Please comment!

During my bootcamp Ryan told me that at some point he realized that he was game, and that no one could make a decision or say a better line for him then himself. It wasn’t that big of a realization at the time but still ever since he said that, I have not asked any question about game whatsoever to anyone. My reason is that looking back, this has never ever helped. Everyone is different. Everyone is at a different level. There is no optimal move. No optimal thing to say. Actually, whatever you do or say is quite irrelevant to any pick up. The only thing that matters is what you feel and what you are. Since this is the root of everything, it will produce the fruits. If your roots suck it will produce bad fruits. No matter how you try to disguise the fruit’s taste with sugar it will not taste as good as a good fruit.

There is no actual problems, sticking points or situations that you’re having. It’s all in the way you see things. It’s all about your reality. When a question about game arises in my mind, I’m not thinking “Oh, let’s go ask the RSD guys“. When a question arises, I see a solution. I see something that I should try. Like for example last week I was wondering about leading. I found that if I’m dancing with a girl and it’s a 2 set, leading isn’t always good stuff. So I felt like asking Ryan about it. Then I thought “Why not try it instead?” So that’s what I’ve been doing. I lead when the opportunity is good and I feel like it, but I don’t force it. I also let the girl lead me a lot. It works pretty good with 2 sets at the moment. I’ll see what happens in the future.

I’ll look at some topics or RSDN right now:

How fast are you supposed to be escalating?

Do you really think it matters how fast? Do you really think there is an optimal answer for that? Do you really think that someone other then you can answer better than you on this? I could answer this but that would be from my point of view, my experience, from me. That would be almost useless information for this person UNLESS he is so uncreative that he can’t even try for himself to either escalate slow or fast. At some point in my game I had the same question. So I tried to escalate a lot. Didn’t work, it was too high energy, too much of an emotional spike too fast and the girl would leave when she came down from it. Then I tried the opposite, too slow. I found out that slow works out pretty good for me. And that slow actually often result in 1 hour make outs which is perfect. I also found out that I don’t need to touch at all really if my conversation vibe with the girl is very good. I also found out that touching has an amazing vibing, attraction creating, and emotional bounding value. When you touch girls they feel like they can trust you. They feel like they don’t have to talk, to impress you with words. They feel like you don’t have to talk either. All this stuff I could have never learned from someone else. Because it’s my game. I’m learning me.

Another one:

How to get over a girl?

Do you really think there’s one thing that will make anyone get over any girl? Everyone is different, of course not. If you keep doing the same thing, you’ll keep getting the same result. So the only way to change your fate is to try new things. The things that you personally will come up with are the best solutions for you. For me, I would just try to find another one first to see if that fixes the problem. But what if the guy can’t pick up because he sucks. Then another one would say meditate. What if the guy can’t mediate. Everyone is speaking the truth, but his own truth. It’s kind of like when Buddha became illuminated. He told everyone about how he did it and how to do it, but only those who followed the path and experienced everything actually became illuminated like him. The others who would just listen and do nothing would not get any benefits. The path to illumination was to meditate for hours everyday and notice bit by bit the truth of the world. No one can do that for you.

Another one:

How important is CONSTANT social interaction?

Do you think there is a CONSTANT answer for that? Of course not. Everyone is different. For some it helps their game a million. For some it doesn’t really make a difference. At some point in my game I had the same question. So I tried going out everyday. Then I stopped going out for six months. Then I tried once a week. The things I learned were so precious. Nothing that anyone could teach me. I learned about me. I learned that I can get burned out of going out. I learned that I sometimes forget about game and become rusty. I also learned that fatigue affects game, but that fatigue comes and goes throughout the night, so I take breaks where I just chill with my friends or with a fatty. Then I tried to be constantly talking when I go out. Constantly in sets and running my mouth. Then I tried to chill a lot in between interactions. I found out that constantly talking was very good at first because it would get me and keep me in state. I also found out I didn’t need it any more when I was always in state by default. I also found out I would rather talk less, and let the girl talk. To save my voice, and my energy. Then I found out that girls like me a lot more when I talk less, probably because I am more mysterious, meaningful and chill that way.

Can you start to see the pattern in those? The answer is always dependant on you. The answer is always you should TRY IT. You should try new stuff. You should try everything. It will bring you the truth. It will teach you your game. It will teach you you.

So why should you never ask any pick up advice?

Because you already know the answer. I’m 100% serious. You do know the answer. Everyone of you is your own guru. You just need to either think for a while, or try new things in field randomly and pretty often and you will come to your own realizations. You won’t learn game. You will learn your game. It is pretty freaking hard to learn someone’s game, and I don’t see the point. I invent game. I make up my own moves. My own pick up lines. When the average RSD guy just tries whatever he reads on RSDNation, I try random stuff when going out and see if it works out for me or not. By doing that, I realized a few things. First of all it really doesn’t matter what I do or say because I often get the same results from very different things. Also, I realized that by trying new things I’m growing. I’m actively becoming who I am. And finally, that everything that I know, all of my game, I learned it from me. Everything I read on pick up boards, everything everyone ever told me, was a waste of my time. It actually held me back. I learned a lot FROM those things, but I didn’t learn those things. Sometimes someone would tell me something and I would try it and it would totally work and totally teach me something valuable, but in the end, I could have thought of it myself, and tried it, and improved.

What if you read on a pick up board that asking questions is bad. Then you never try it. You’ll spend the rest of your life not asking questions WITHOUT knowing! Do you realize how nonsense that is. I tried asking questions. Lots of questions. It’s perfectly fine for me. Works wonders. Did you ever try leaning IN? I have this buddy of mine. Patrick. This guys pulls all the time. A lot more than me. He’s pretty much always leaning in. He never touches chicks except when he goes for the make out. I never tried leaning in. Probably because leaning away works way too well lol. But anyway I just wanted to show a point.

Also, never asking questions about pick up has its advantages. You rarely get into useless and egotistic arguments about pick up which don’t make sense anyway since everything can work and everyone is different. But more importantly, you’re starting to look at game from a different perspective. You’re starting to see yourself as a guru, as someone that knows his stuff, as someone that can pull. You’re less trying to learn and more trying to pull. You’re more in the moment. You’re living it more. Your frame isn’t of someone that is learning game any more but of someone that is discovering game and teaching it to others. How is that for a self confidence boost? Remember when Jeffy said in The Jeffy Show that for a while he was only pulling during bootcamps? I think the same principle applies. You are your own pick up guru. Start acting like one.

I’d be curious to see how many people agree with this.